i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
