chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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