I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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