you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My dick has a subreddit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
