you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
