dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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