"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
