one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
did i just pee glitter
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
