no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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