If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
