using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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