i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize