Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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