Barsexuality is the new black.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
