i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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