So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
