A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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