He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
