I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
