Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
