girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
