guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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