I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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