I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
