i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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