i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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