yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
