He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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