at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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