pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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