I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
