so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
