I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
