soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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