"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
