This is not my ceiling
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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