I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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