don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
