I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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