WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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