i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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