I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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