I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They took my balls.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
