I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
