I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
