While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
