i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
