I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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