She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im part way to drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
