Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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