I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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