Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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