would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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