It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize