3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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