dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize