..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
