You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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