I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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