the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm passing your future prison.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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