To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
