..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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