thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
