i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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