you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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