Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
