i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
