in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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