walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
