We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
