porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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