I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
