just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
