Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
