My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
