just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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