Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
