Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My ass is underappreciated
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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