hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
