his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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