i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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